Wednesday, October 10, 2012

New Signing Shine For Cags.

Angela Merkel was impressed at the shiny new
Cags on offer this season, very impressed!
The Cags put out for public display and comment their new signings in the first round of competition.  Moving into the premier comp this year, Cags were going to be up against it one would think on past performances, but the early signs were scintillating.  
Unknown quantity in Ian Sypkes was amazing scoring goals and setting them up all night, while Brad Langerak had a strong hand to play all night, first half in goals, second on the field, but lack of appropriate footwear did let him down at times.
The usuals returned as always, as the founding members of this competition came back to try and win it in 2012.  Ryan “Dinner Guts, no longer can he see his Nuts” Bosker played in various roles, his brother out law, Houlier Mensah and cousin Rowan “Ronaldo” Dykman, continuing the strong involvement from the Letters was Malcolm, Brenton “Hammer” Hemelaar was up for his cherry picking exploits and of course Brendan “FBomb” Lichtendonk commanding the show from defense. Joel Taylor was absent this week, still serving his 12 month ban for kick Harry Potter last year.
This team, it was evident was focused on ensuring no one’s father would die of shame after this year, looking to make their fathers proud rather than dead!
It started poorly as the Cags struggled to find the pace of the game, Olympic Mayonnaise, led by Northern Premier League Coach Peter McBcbeath opened with a flurry, but not before Muppo made some great saves in the Cags goal.
Tim Armstrong opened the scores before Simmo made the most of the stud less Muppo in goals who slipped trying to get to Petrusmas goal bound shot, and Cags were 2-0 down and you could feel Bill Langerak starting to give into the feelings of shame up in Hadspen.
But Ian Sypkes restored all pride when he crossed a perfectly weighted cross to the Hammer at the back post who managed to bury the shot, possibly off his left Cag.
Cags were back in it at 2-1, but Petrusma struck again with a bullet like shot from nowhere that left Langers no chance.
Cags came back again though with a good goal to Sypkes, who said after the game, his only disappointment was the fact that his own fiancĂ©e didn’t come to his Cag debut!  “Disappointed! to put in such a good show tonight, I am just gutted that she (Laura Dykman) couldn’t find the time to come and watch me, I mean, I think it (the Wedding) might be off” Sypkes said after the match.
Half time and the Cags were in the zone, looking good with some excellent shape and passing, though Malcolm did smash the ball up front to no one a few times, he will learn as the season progresses, or cop a chop to the froat!
Cags applied relentless pressure in the opening 5 minutes, but couldn’t find the goal, but their defense was a solid as a set of Bulls balls, keeping most of the Olympic chances to out side the area.
Then Sykes sent the 5 or 6 fans in the stadium into hysterics with a wonderful shot from 20 meters out that sailed into the top corner to put Cags level at 3 all and sniffing a win!
Olympic pulled the momentum back though and set up camp in the Cags half for most of the rest of the game, but only managed one goal with 10 minutes to go.
With 3 minutes on the watch (Interesting to note that this ref actually knows how long 20 minutes is) the Cags threw everyone forward to try and find an equaliser, the efforts were almost rewarded on several occasions, but Dinner guts, who had the best chance clipped the underside of the moon with one of his shots, directly in front.
Rowtondo had a great shot denied by the keeper, all be it at only 8 kms per hour and Mensah was creating some pressure in the bows of the Olympic back line, but unfortunate for the cags, the Sphincter that is the Olympic defense, remained toight and the referees whistle blew with the Cags 4-3 behind.
A gallant effort indeed, if the Cags keep playing to that level, no one’s Dad will die of shame, but possibly of pride!
Well done Cags, rest easy, and see you at recovery tomorrow at 8am.!
And As German chancellor Angela Merkel would say, “Dus Cags are Vondaval!”

Thursday, October 4, 2012

2012 set to see Cags return to glory!

You will get more of this in 2012!
2012 is set to be the year of the Cag! I have been busy making some key signing and am proud to announce Brad Langerak will now join the bill of the Cags for the first time. in season 2012
Team is
1) Joel "JT" Taylor
2) Brendan "FBOMB" Lichtedonk
3) Malcolm "Run around like a lunatic and blaze the ball over the bar" AKA "The Dentist" Letter.
4) Rowan "Ronaldo" Rowtondo
5) Brenton "living on the headed goal from 2007" AKA " the bald cherry picker" Hemelaar
6) Ollie "Hoolier" Mensa AKA "The Gastro whisperer"
7) Ryan "Scared of Fitness" Bosker
8) Brad "Muuuuppppoooooo" Langerak
Room for one more if you want, up to you lot, but with Sam Loef happy fill in and I think Ian "chickenfeed" Sypkis" was keen to play as well, we will leave the spot open for them if they want it.
$45 each at the moment, plus you need to register yourself with FFT if you want insurance, if you dont, then you play at your own risk, the insurance is pretty crap and covers about $200 per week if your off work and doesnt cover anything the public system does. up to you.
I have attached an easy to follow self rego form too.
Dark blue socks and white shorts, same shirt as last year, ill have a few pairs of short and socks if you need them.

Kind Regards
Brendan Lichtendonk
Mob. 0411 134 898
Office. 03 6341 1778
Fax. 03 6344 2543

Wednesday, November 17, 2010

Tis the Season to be Jolly and there is no Water in the Inn.

Pete Licho is dreaming of that elusive goal!
Much to talk about this week, mostly crap and some sort of a wedding in the air, a royal wedding even!  But this pails into insignificants when compared with the wedding this weekend, Lil and Hammer will tie the knot or hairy shoulder as it may be!  Many of the Cags will be there to cheer the happy couple on, and from all at, all the best ya goons!
But aside from being jolly for the wedding of the month (even bigger than that other Dingamense wedding also on this weekend) there is more reason to be jolly, its just five weeks to Christmas, and its time to slaughter Christmas the chicken in preparation for the feasts to come.  But the Christmas cheer did not make it down to Birch ave just yet, the friendly staff at Launceston United, refusing to refill FBombs water bottle at half time, The president Mr. Towns stating that the canteen attendant was too busy to refill the empty water bottles of the needy (this despite there was not a customer in sight),” you best go around the back to the barn, there is a tap next to the manger, use that!!!” said Mr President.
What gives and where has the love gone?
Anyway, the Cags had a game of football to get on with, and after some frustration was shown to those involved in the unfortunatness, Fbomb returned to meet his team mates, who were not too impressed with his performance to date in goals.
The pacifier was busy pacifying the masses this week again, so was not available, in came old Cagger from way back, Simmo the ball hog!  And he had a massive impact.
Cags went for a 3-1-2 formation, to try and keep the technical abilities of Double Trigger under tight reign.  Rowtondo was commanding the back line like Rio Ferdinand of England and Man U.  I have not seen this kid play a game like this in all my life, and he was in some form keeping past Tasmanian Soccer greats quiet all game that included names like Ian Dickinson and Justin Dyre.
Despite Rowtondo’s efforts, FBomb bombed them out of the water after he over cooked his touch across goal and straight to the feet of Double Triggers advancing attacker who placed it into the open net to go ahead 1-0
Now the Cags were looking for the luck that has put them ahead in times of need, but it was nowhere to be seen this week, not even a passing bird flying across goal could be found to try and luck a deflection off and into the goal, but the cags shot the ball high in the hope that the heavens could provide the dove of life…….it never arrived, and neither did the Cags first half goal, so it was 1-0 deficit at half time.
Cags came out with a new lease on life in the second half, even though they had to kick into a stiff breeze and a cap full of cags.
After 10 minutes of shooting wide, high and soft, the goal came when Shorty made light work of a lose ball in the box.
Cags had the better of the play, and it seemed possible they would push on for the winner, in the presence of their adoring Christian school student fans, but just as they dreamed of santa passing down the chimney of victory, it all went up in flames as someone lit the fire that pushed double trigger into the lead, a great run for trigger saw Dicko pass to his younger, but not by much striking partner who scored to go 2-1 up.  To make matters worse, Trigger scored a third to put the match beyond doubt and relegate the Cags to the foot (or close to) of the finals group.
There were some masterful plays from JT and Pete Licho during the game, and both nearly scored, what a great day that will be when Pete Licho does actually score, there will be riots of delight in the streets of Launceston.
There is still time for the Cags to win the comp, but they will have to do it without Hammer, who is off to the happy humping grounds for Hemelaars in Hawaii after Saturday, he even shaved the shoulder in preparation.  Good luck Brenton, and look out Lil!
Some points to ponder
Can the Cags bounce back?
Can Pete Licho score a goal? (he even missed the penalty in the practice game after the match)
Will Hammer become a father in around 9 months?
Will the pacifier ever return to the land of the Cags?
Until next week brothers and sisters of the Caghood, good day to you.

On a side note, the Cags lined up against team Rocket for a second time to give the boys a game after their opponents failed to show up.  The results wasn’t too good for team rocket as Cags dominated in all areas, JT scored a couple of goals which was a delight to see, but Pete Licho did miss a penalty.
One must feel for poor old Oliver after he copped a verbal beating from all and sundry on the field, but he is a good sport.

Monday, November 15, 2010

Ladders and New Roster

Click to enlarge (If only it were that easy)
Well, as you are all no doubt aware, the Cags made it into the top group for the second stage of the Launceston 7's Competition.  The Cags now have to finish top of the group to be crowned champions.  Certainly not out of the question if we can continue scoring accidental goals at the rate in which we have been.  Someone is on our side after Wes Seniors efforts last week.

So we finished in second place just one point behind the Unimates, and when we played them, we really should have won, after dominating possession and shots on goal, (even though most went well wide or high of the intended mark)  A basic lack of accidental shots really cost us that week.

So this week we play double trigger at 6:35, after they finished second in their group with just 1 loss.  They are a bunch of old fellows who were very good in their day, and will be hard to beat this week.


Wednesday, November 10, 2010

There’s no Substitute for Crisp Cags. (Literally)

Rowan Dykman.
The cags after being stung by a loss in the wet last week needed a lift, it was going to take something special to get the boys up for another big game. You don't have to look far for inspiration in a week like this especially considering tomorrow is remembrance day. And the boys would need all the fighting spirit they could muster if they were to bulldoze team rocket and claim bragging rights in riverside.

The game started with each team having 6 each on field as both teams waited for late comers to turn up.  It would be half time before the Cags had a substitute.

From the outset it looked as if the Cags would have plenty of opportunities to score if we wanted too, but we had to watch Dave VanDoo’s cherry picking and waiting on the counter attack.  Multiple shots on goal from Hamper, Wes and Shorty either went to keeper or out of bounds.  At times Rowtondo and Pete Licho were under pressure when pushing up too far and the result was a goal to the cherry picker, tipping the ball past Donk.  Rowtondo copped one in the face from Josh VZ from a corner and Caggers went to half time a goal down.

Enter Hammer Hemelaar. Hammer arrived without the scars from the first half letdown and a switch saw Hamper in goals and JT released to spend more time pushing up to give support to the forwards.  Pete and Rowtondo with the help of Wes Snr. meant the that the Cags had the numbers to be able to work the ball out of defence a lot better and create better chances going forward.

An absolutely cracking shot on goal from shorty from long range almost equalized. But the Cags weren't to be denied all game with Rowtondo intercepting a lob and was fouled by Dave Van Doo.  Donk took the free kick from half way and weighted it perfectly sending the ball at head height deep into the box catching the head JT then off the Back Wes’ head and into the goal to equalize the game and give son Wes junior a moment he would never forget.  Cags also excel at scoring goals by accident. 

In between all this Hamper was making some world class saves, Pete was causing problems for the opposition with strong defensive headers and attack on the ball.  JT was getting great space on the wing. A short time later Hammer continued strong goal scoring form putting another one in the net after a neat cross from Donk, and giving talent scouts plenty to think about with great work playing in a relatively tough position on the field.  With a minute to play the cags again grabbed control of the ball in midfield and picked out Hammer again near goal with the keeper beaten he unselfishly passed to Donk who slammed home the sealer and giving Mia a birthday present she will never forget, a week late though it may be, and elevating the cags up into the top 6 division for the finals.

The Cags really did find that fighting spirit that Australia is renowned for and what the country is all about.  It was really a whole team effort with each player putting in a great second half and possibly the best half of soccer for the year. And it took big Cags to suck it and say at half time shit happens and we got on with it.

It should be noted that once the Rocket Salads midfielder Ollie turned up, the game went south for them, so Cags are truly grateful to Ollie for this!

Some points to Ponder.
Can the Cags Match it against the top 6 teams in the world at the moment?
Will Richard ever play a full 20 minute half?
Will Pete Licho ever score a goal?
Will Team rocket end up the lowest of the low?

Monday, November 8, 2010

The Ladder after week 4

As you can see, the CAGS have slipped after the unfortunatenesses to Unimates, but all this will be forgotten on Wednesday night when we defeat "Team Rocket Salad"

Well Members of the Cags, One loss and it has seen us tumble from 1st to 3rd.  To gain access to the elite group of footballers that will be playing in the elite group, the Cags will need to defeat the lowly “Team Rocket (Salad)”  This can be done we believe and with relative ease, but preparation is the key.  Plenty of pre game Fanta, and attitude to crunch and become like the bundle of sticks we are so often referred to as.

No one can beat the Cags when we score more goals than our opposition, in fact, it is very difficult to defeat any team who scores more goal than you, so let us be that team, and defeat the Cag Wanna-Bees once and for all!!!!

May the might of the Cag be with you and make you strong.  We will see you and our supporters at
Birch Avenue
at 5:45 for the game to end all games!!!!

Look our Nathan, Josh, Kirren and others whom we are not familiar, as we are coming for you, the likes of the “Pacifier” will keep you quiet, Pete Licho is always lurking to lay a late slide tackle, Rowtondo should be revered, respected and remorsed, as he will pop up when least expected.  Wes Snr. Loves to crunch, as does Hammer, and he has some pay back to lay out for the sake of his inner ear.  Hamper can score a goal from any height, Shorty will tear you a new pair of panty hoes, Jumbo Tits is a menace and stops for no one and F Bomb, well he is an unknown quantity that should be unexpected rather than expected!

Be afraid, be very afraid, by the way, what is the address for the web site for team rocket salad?

Sunday, November 7, 2010

The Report that wouldn’t Come!

                By Brenton Hemelaar
Ok so its been 2 days since the CAGS "shock loss" to the Uni mates, and i have to admit fans, there is nothing good to report on! We played an absolute shocker! Then while sitting on the toilet contemplating the meaning of life, and such, a real "nugget" of an idea dropped into the lovely blue water of the toilet! A voice inside my head says "Forget about the report brenton, spread the good news instead." I pondered this though for a good 30 seconds before i came to realise just what i had to do!

So here it is boys this weeks report!

In the jungle one day, in a land far away the king was collecting his rent, all the animals came, rich or poor just the same from wherever the message was sent. But the crocodile green with his temper so mean said he wasted his money on games, So the king said “you’ll pay or in the dungeon you’ll stay eating spinach and burnt toast and brains” The croc said "No no! Not that please!" and fell down on his knees, so the kind king forgave him his debt. He sent him away, forgiven that day, and the croc said he'd never forget. But the crocodile green with his temper so mean found a monkey to take for a ride. "Pay me" he said "or I’ll eat you instead and I'll gobble you right up inside". The monkey cried out and his friends gave a shout so the king came a running to see. “He’s learnt nothing today so take him away let the poor little monkey go free” Now our father in heaven, through the son that he's given, forgives us of our sins and our debts. He expects us to not make a fuss, but like Jesus, forgive and forget.

Key to todays report:
King equals Richard the Umpire
Crocodile equals the Uni mates
Monkey equals the CAGS

Moral of the story: When the king (AKA Richard) Umpires a game the CAGs are playing, we are bound to loose! Its been set in stone and written about for many years! Dont ask me why it happens it just does!

Untill next week CAGGERS, over and out!