Wednesday, October 20, 2010

Fantaless Cags kick Rangers youth in the cags

Brenton "The Hammer" Hemelaar copped a few this week.
Oh what a big week its been in football:
Julia Gillard feels the heat from the home insulation plan and war, The paddle pop lion loses its purr, Doomsdayer has premonition Fanta Cags will lose, and I haven’t had a Fanta mini can in ten months!! And just when the Fanta looked to be going flat the cags found a bit of fizz and produced a performance that was sure to warm the hearts of 8 or so loyal dedicated fans who braved the perfect conditions.

The shenanigans started well before kickoff when a loyal Rangers youth fan threatened the life of star player (hammer). But a miracle recovery ensued the Fanta cags would line up as selected and the game began on time thanks to the whistless ref. it was evident early that the Cags would have to setup with a 3, 1, 2 formation with Shorty in goals.  The extra defender proved to be a masterstroke move from the Donk as Pete, Joel and Bobo were under pressure from the pace and good skills of the opposition team.  But despite their missed shots at goal, they caused few headaches for Cags.  

It was soon worked out that their defence were pushing up too far and this allowed the Cags to pick out Hammer and Hamper playing behind the defence which soon resulted in hammers first goal of the 2010 season.  Just as the Cags looked to be the better team, Shorty produced a fine save and came off second best resulting in a broken finger and some cagitus as well.  The Cags were down to 1 sub but were playing like a new team and Hammer again found the net before half time with some great setup support from the pacifier, Wes senior and Hamper. JT also produced a fine shot on goal only to be denied by the goal keeper.  Half time was a chance for Donk to show his butt cheeks and see the photos of Shortys bung finger.

The second half began with where it left off and Pete and JT began too sense a tired Rangers outfit and pushed up to help Wes and Hammer put forward pressure on. The pressure became too much for one player who did not like the Hammers hairy shoulder or the fact that Hammer wasn’t put in hospital from his previous punch and decided to throw one of his own. maybe he wasn’t having fun? anyway the cags were again called a bundle of sticks, and the game continued. Not long later Hamper continued his strong goal scoring form and found the net with a great strike, Donk also got his name on the score sheet with a header of his own that put the Cags 4 nil up and in command. Rowtondo decided to get in on the fun and was well setup with a good pass to get clear and score another goal for the team. (I am being modest.) a late goal to the Rangers gave it a 5 to 1 score line handing the Fanta Cags its first win of the season to give its 70 members a fitting reward for their loyal service.

Some questions hover over the next week.
Can the cags be called a faggot three weeks in a row?
Will Donk bring back the f bomb?
Will Hammer sustain 3 head hits in a day again?

Ring Ramming Romeo’s Ram Cags Ring!

Fbomb reacts to the crowd!
Well the Cags fronted up for their first game since 2009, after they surprised all and finished 4th.

No training meant the lads were looking pretty caged after five minutes, from memory Jumbo Tits Taylor took 3 or 4 breathers in the first half alone.

The Cags had signed Taylor and Josh Armstrong after Simmo Petusma defected to a Ranger team, and boy did we miss him.

No Sam Leof either, who is recovering from knee surgery this year. Injury to Ryan Bosker kept him away also, but the Cags thought they could win anyway, mainly because there was no opposition in sight after 5 minutes.

When the Ring jammers did appear from the mens room all together, it was evident there was some talent amongst them, or at least they thought so!

The Cags conceded after the Rammers first chance saw no defenders in sight and a tap in was easy enough to score with. It seems the Cags have not learnt from last year that defense is the key.

Brenton Hemelaar was showing his new found fitness and conducting bicycle kicks, scissor kicks and fresh air wanna be kicks left right and centre, nearly scoring twice. But alas there was not a goal to be found.

The Ramers had another after a good strike left the FBomb in no chance.

Half time and Jumbo Tits needed a drink and enjoyed water, as no one had brought the Fanta. Davo Booge suggested more shots, like last year as eventually one would go in.

Shorty went to goals and saved the Cags bacon on many a time in the second half, in fact he was probably best on ground in goals. It was only after the ball left the goal area that Cags looked crap, but it is only early, and traditionally Cags mature over time.
Cags did score after the watch Tower Chris deDeuge slammed a ring burner of his own straight into the net.

Cags nearly equalised but the Rammers got a late goal as again the Cags were caught up front and forgetting to defend again.

The highlight was toward the end when a Rammer was celebrating his career highlight, scoring in a social game against the Cags, F Bomb reminded him it was a social comp and there was little cause for celebration, as Cags had thrown the game anyway so we could dominate the lower division pool later in the comp! Following the game, F bomb said he couldn’t shake hands with the rammer until he learnt to have fun in the sun, to which the Ring Rammer by his own admition , called F Bomb a Fagot, this was met with some distaste and some man love was shown before heading to the showers. Cags 1 Ring Ramming Romeo’s 3, but the Cags season going to plan as they seek to qualify for the consolation group later in the year.
Chris "the tower" deDeuge